random thoughts

random thoughts

April 9, 2007

People have asked me about the last blog. New people really don't know what I do for a living. Well, to be honest people who have known me for years still can't figure out what I do for a living. These "shows" I set up. I basically travel to cities to separate geeks from their money. Some of the bigger ones have B to D list celebrities that are there to promote a project but most are just there to sell autographs. The most popular are the Star Wars people. Even though they may have only been in one or two scenes in full costume covering their faces that still warrants a $20 signed 8X10. There is an agency that just books Star Wars actors called Men Behind The Masks. At shows they are sectioned off in their own area like a George Lucas petting zoo.  One time in Detroit I was headed to the bathroom (I just realized this is another midget in the bathroom story) and as I walked in I held the door for Kenny Baker the man inside R2-D2 and then his "handler"?.    
His only job was to carry and place a step stool so Kenny could use the urinal.
Good gig.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Speaking of this I happen to catch a George Lucas embarrassment on tv the other night. A Colostomy bag known as Howard the Duck.

Even seeing Lea Thompson in her underwear couldn't save this .

That movie is over 20 years old.

And even then the special effects looked 10 years out of date.

I think if you watch it now it just might be possible to travel back in time.

---------------------------------------------------------

I saw some Easter egg coloring kits at the store. Egg coloring technology really hasn't advanced in 30 years.

 Box- 5 tablets – wire holder.

When I was a kid there was a couple of companies that tried to sell something different. I remember seeing the commercials and pestering my mom to go and buy them. I looked them up and found this one on ebay

The décor-egg-er. This looked neat in the commercial. But it was horrible. You place the egg in this machine that looks like some torture device Jack Bauer would use to get the egg to tell them where the other eggs are hidden. A marker is placed in an arm and you move the arm on the egg surface and turn the crank and supposedly make trippy geometric designs. But instead it comes off looking like a seismograph because the marker won't stay up against the egg flat because it's ,,,,well egg shaped.

The other is some glitter bag (no picture found) you put a wet egg in a bag of glitter and shake. So it comes out looking like how I would imagine one of David Bowie testicles looked like Ziggy Stardust era (no picture available for that either) . But that just got metal flakes all over once you tried to eat the egg.

So PAAS had right I guess.

Box- 5 tablets – wire holder.

Live it up kids.

------------------------------------

Vince Vaughn needs to make more movies with his shirt off. Just so I can say I have a body of a movie star.

Pasty flab is the new black.

------------------------------------

I've been eating even more  grilled cheese than normal. Kraft singles has a promotion with Spider-Man 3. For 2 UPC's and a receipt you get a sweet Spidey beach towel.

Don't be jealous of my life in the fast lane.

------------------------------------

So I always though I could take as much Dr Yum as I wanted.

 Turns out you can Dr Yum OD

----------------------------------------

I just noticed that you can set these blogs to launch up to THREE YEARS in advance.

If I knew I had weeks to live I would spend a day just writing blogs and set them to show up months after I died just to freak everyone out.

Ran into Jesus today, He said there was actually 20 commandments but the last ten were hygiene tips and knock-knock jokes.

There still talking about Anna-Nicole Smith here too.

Ooooohhhhhh Happy Thanksgiving from beyond the grave

Elvis says Hi 

I faked my death suckers! I'm outside your window right now.

-----------------------------------

Every since 100 bars I decided to publish more wonderful prose.

Welcome to Mick's Poetry Corner

The first I wrote and made into a plaque for my atheist friend. His mom a devoted catholic had the famous Footprints in the Sand poem plastered on every functional item in their living room.

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with Jesus.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to Jesus,

"I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?"

Jesus replied,

"Well maybe I was helping one of the other 3 billion people on the planet you selfish fuck"

=====================

Here's a perfect example of what my lovely town of Rockford is like.

First it is a very conservative city. You're not allowed to sell, buy, or own X-rated movies, sexual novelty devices, or any object that could be used to smoke pot.

Which I always like to bring up when someone says the jingoism "Republicans are for less laws" Right it's the liberals in the city who criminalized vibrators.

Okay off the soapbox back to comedy:

So if you want to buy porn and a bong here, just where do you go?

Well to the flea market where it's sold out in the open.

I had to be discrete to get this picture so it's not the best shot.

Now look closely at his display case.

Did you catch it?

Yep the spelling error

 in Rockford we spell it

TUH-BACCO