Tangent Jamboree #7 : Farmville,,,still,,,Really?
Feb 28, 2010
Hey here’s something I find odd about girls. When your name is also a song title(Mandy, Sandy, Carrie, Sherry, Angie, Michelle) I will bring up that it must suck that guys sing that to you. And they look at me like I just said men from Mars landed in the front yard.
They have never heard of it.
No one in 20 years has mentioned this to you?
Nope.
So I sing it. And they always say the same thing:
Before my time
No shit
I didn’t ask you if you saw the Beatles at Shea Stadium. Sunshine and gravity were created before you born too, but you are aware that exists right.
-
Elli’s coming hide your heart now
Before I get to the next rambling story I have to give you background. the animal shelter gets assigned non-violent felons to clean up poop. When you hear someone gets a number of public service hours, some of them go there. They leave before I wake up so I rarely see them. I stepped outside to the dog run one day and saw this.
I thought this was a stain on the cement stoop . Since there was a mat there I assumed the numbers 1773 were on the back and it left an imprint. To be funny I said “Who is Elli?” Then I was told there is a community service worker that wrote his name into the cement with the power sprayer. But his name is Eli and he spelled his own name wrong. Now I’m sure you are wondering how did this brilliant criminal mastermind even get arrested to begin with, but sometimes the world just doesn’t make sense.
-
How to you get to Carnegie Hall?
Golden Shower
Golden Shower
Golden Shower
Let me get this straight: An untalented girl named Kardasian makes a bootleg porn where she gets peed on by noname rapper and with that fame she gets a tv show and then her even less talented sister gets to meet the president.
But here is something more bizzare.
Mr & Mrs Love proudly announce the engagement of their daughter & Hugo Chavez.
I’m just kidding, this marriage would never happen. Courtney couldn’t pull herself together to write
Please keep going for Venezuela at the end of another suicide note.
-
I met up with a friend for his birthday party that ended with a game of bowling. This alley had radar set up so after your throw it would give you the speed of your ball. This one guy , short cropped haircut, pooka shell necklace , pencil thin douche-beard, you know basically every dude in his early twenties you’ve ever met, anyway he was obsessed with getting and announcing he had the highest ball speed. He would roll a 22 then I rolled a 23 and then wanted high fives all around after rolling a 24.5.
Maybe it’s because I hate bowling or that I'm not that competitive, but should you be that excited that you can throw something slightly faster than a guy nearly twice your age and that has the upper body strength of the Korean ladies that do nails in Wal-Mart?
I was going to point this out to him, but I think he needed a win since he found out Creed wasn’t going to reunite for a tour.
-
They have never heard of it.
No one in 20 years has mentioned this to you?
Nope.
So I sing it. And they always say the same thing:
Before my time
No shit
I didn’t ask you if you saw the Beatles at Shea Stadium. Sunshine and gravity were created before you born too, but you are aware that exists right.
-
Elli’s coming hide your heart now
Before I get to the next rambling story I have to give you background. the animal shelter gets assigned non-violent felons to clean up poop. When you hear someone gets a number of public service hours, some of them go there. They leave before I wake up so I rarely see them. I stepped outside to the dog run one day and saw this.
I thought this was a stain on the cement stoop . Since there was a mat there I assumed the numbers 1773 were on the back and it left an imprint. To be funny I said “Who is Elli?” Then I was told there is a community service worker that wrote his name into the cement with the power sprayer. But his name is Eli and he spelled his own name wrong. Now I’m sure you are wondering how did this brilliant criminal mastermind even get arrested to begin with, but sometimes the world just doesn’t make sense.
-
How to you get to Carnegie Hall?
Golden Shower
Golden Shower
Golden Shower
Let me get this straight: An untalented girl named Kardasian makes a bootleg porn where she gets peed on by noname rapper and with that fame she gets a tv show and then her even less talented sister gets to meet the president.
But here is something more bizzare.
Mr & Mrs Love proudly announce the engagement of their daughter & Hugo Chavez.
I’m just kidding, this marriage would never happen. Courtney couldn’t pull herself together to write
Please keep going for Venezuela at the end of another suicide note.
-
I met up with a friend for his birthday party that ended with a game of bowling. This alley had radar set up so after your throw it would give you the speed of your ball. This one guy , short cropped haircut, pooka shell necklace , pencil thin douche-beard, you know basically every dude in his early twenties you’ve ever met, anyway he was obsessed with getting and announcing he had the highest ball speed. He would roll a 22 then I rolled a 23 and then wanted high fives all around after rolling a 24.5.
Maybe it’s because I hate bowling or that I'm not that competitive, but should you be that excited that you can throw something slightly faster than a guy nearly twice your age and that has the upper body strength of the Korean ladies that do nails in Wal-Mart?
I was going to point this out to him, but I think he needed a win since he found out Creed wasn’t going to reunite for a tour.
-
I will admit that just because I was raised by tv doesn’t mean I always have to act like the charecters on it, but before you read this next story keep in mind that the only reason anyone calls me with a problem would be to 1. fix it or 2. lighten up the situation. Which brings us to this:
Richelle called me somewhat panicked. I asked her what was going one. She said she was just leaving the emergency room. Her ex-boyfriend is a severe diabetic and doesn’t keep up on his insulin levels. She called him to see if he could look at her car. He said he was feeling weak and was going to take a nap. She called a couple hours later and there was no answer. She went over to his house and let herself in. He didn’t answer. She then described in great detail that she went to his bedroom and he was choking on a mouth of blood. What she found out later was that his sugar level was so low that he passed out and fell face first into the headboard and knocked out his front teeth and was unable to breathe with the blood filling up his mouth. She tried to get him on his side to drain it but he was on waterbed and had to rock him back and forths to get leverage to get him on his side so he wouldn’t drown in his own blood. She finally did and then called 911, and everything is ok now.
I said That is unbelievable, you actually know someone that still has a waterbed.
-
Okay now we are about to get into something weird. There is this very special man named Darryl Heine.
I can’t go into how I came across this magnificent creature but myself and a group of followers (Heine Watchers , if you will) look for his posts on various websites. Here’s a few:
From the Price Is Right website: How come The Price is Right grocery product games are using products with previous looks when the product packaging on the market has recently changed? The products are: Pringle's Potato Chips, Taster's Choice Coffee, Maxwell House Coffee, Mrs. Butterworth's Syrup, and Kellogg's Pop Tarts (which since Feb. 2002 was still using the box with snowboarder and Free Sports Gear offer and that package of Pop Tarts was recently seen on the March 17, 2003 TPIR episode in the Grocery Product game "Pick-A-Pair")?
Could Bob Barker return on TPIR as a few weeks as a special guest host, it would be like the October 1990-January 1991 Let's Make a Deal revival that Monty Hall returned as a special guest host for 4 weeks.
Does anyone have on videotape or DVD-R the week from late 1981 from original NBC broadcast the Password Plus week with Jenillee Harrison (of "Three's Company") and James B. Skilling since GSN skipped that week.
I can’t explain why but this dude fascinates the shit out of me
Richelle called me somewhat panicked. I asked her what was going one. She said she was just leaving the emergency room. Her ex-boyfriend is a severe diabetic and doesn’t keep up on his insulin levels. She called him to see if he could look at her car. He said he was feeling weak and was going to take a nap. She called a couple hours later and there was no answer. She went over to his house and let herself in. He didn’t answer. She then described in great detail that she went to his bedroom and he was choking on a mouth of blood. What she found out later was that his sugar level was so low that he passed out and fell face first into the headboard and knocked out his front teeth and was unable to breathe with the blood filling up his mouth. She tried to get him on his side to drain it but he was on waterbed and had to rock him back and forths to get leverage to get him on his side so he wouldn’t drown in his own blood. She finally did and then called 911, and everything is ok now.
I said That is unbelievable, you actually know someone that still has a waterbed.
-
Okay now we are about to get into something weird. There is this very special man named Darryl Heine.
I can’t go into how I came across this magnificent creature but myself and a group of followers (Heine Watchers , if you will) look for his posts on various websites. Here’s a few:
From the Price Is Right website: How come The Price is Right grocery product games are using products with previous looks when the product packaging on the market has recently changed? The products are: Pringle's Potato Chips, Taster's Choice Coffee, Maxwell House Coffee, Mrs. Butterworth's Syrup, and Kellogg's Pop Tarts (which since Feb. 2002 was still using the box with snowboarder and Free Sports Gear offer and that package of Pop Tarts was recently seen on the March 17, 2003 TPIR episode in the Grocery Product game "Pick-A-Pair")?
Could Bob Barker return on TPIR as a few weeks as a special guest host, it would be like the October 1990-January 1991 Let's Make a Deal revival that Monty Hall returned as a special guest host for 4 weeks.
Does anyone have on videotape or DVD-R the week from late 1981 from original NBC broadcast the Password Plus week with Jenillee Harrison (of "Three's Company") and James B. Skilling since GSN skipped that week.
I can’t explain why but this dude fascinates the shit out of me
Now there is only one thing our friend Darryl loves more than Game Shows.
And that’s Chuck E Cheese.
He made a website telling of his devotion of it. I swear this is real. This is the text from his website. The only thing that I added is my comments in red.
Enjoy.
Darryl Heine's Fan Page
I, Darryl Heine,
Shouldn’t Being of sound mind and body come next? Oh sorry,,,
was born Feb. 5, 1971 in New York City. I work currently for GE Financial.
How is that possible? Do they have shopping cart greeters like Wal-Mart? I would have said he was an idiot savant (but minus the savant part) maybe he’s a computer genius or something. Guy that goes in public in a Heathcliff hat has a better job than me.
My experiences with ShowBiz go back to 1982, when I first visited the ShowBiz in Arlington Heights, IL in Feburary 1982 for my 11th. birthday,
Many employees remember that date too.
despite the video arcade games there, I never liked it at first since the Rock-afire Explosion was a redone version of the Wolf Pack 5 (a show I saw at Kings Dominion in Virginia in 1979)
Well, everyone knows that the Rock-a-fire program was just phoning it in.
and never went there much that year - except on a few elementary school field trips
“Okay kids, Darryl sat on his lunch again, who would like to share theirs with him?”
but by the end of 1982 I began to like it
Sure thing Darryl, It is a place that serves shitty pizza and always smells like feet. You want to give yourself a year to soak it in and decide. You can’t commit right away.
and went there with my family in occassion until December 1985 (At the time ShowBiz merged with Chuck E. Cheese's) when I was in high school. Other ShowBiz locations I have been to besides Arlington Heights, IL were in Bloomingdale, IL.; Mt. Prospect, IL; Madison, Wisconsin; and Omaha, Nebraska.
Check ebay for the vintage Heine Rock-a-fire US tour shirts.
My first visit to Chuck E. Cheese's was in May 1983 when one in Hoffman Estates, IL opened (The year before I first heard about Pizza Time Theatre in
Do I not understand this, or can this silly bastard travel through time too.
the premiere issue of Video Games magazine in a Nolan Bushnell article with a pic of him next to a Chuck E. Cheese robot,
Damn it! That is the only back issue of Video Games Magazine I am missing.
What if Nolan does a google search on himself and finds this page. High or low point career wise?
and I first noticed a TV commercial for Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Time Theatre when my TV set picked up with good reception a Milwaukee, Wisconsin TV station).
No greater proof of Divine intervention
Besides the video games in the ShowBiz style, the balcony show contained Chuck E. himself along with Pizza Time Player
I remember those contract talks, it was close, but luckily in the 12th hour both sides agreed and she joined the band. It was the only thing that kept me going after Wham! breaking up.
And by the end of 1984 a giantcolor TV set (similar to what you used to see in ShowBiz's Sports Rooms) was added replacing the Beagles show in the Hoffman Estates location. My last visit to this Hoffman Estates Chuck E. Cheese's was in Summer 1985. Other Chuck E. Cheese's locations I've been to between 1983 and 1984 were in Gaithersburg, Maryland
Too much emphasis on Chuck E cheese’s contributions to the civil war at that one.
and Milwaukee, Wisconsin. In 1986 this Chuck E. Cheese's in Hoffman Estates was taken over by Little Caesar's and became Little Caesar's Family Fun Pizzaria.
Me and Rob ate at that one. We sat in the kids room at the small tables and made them bring us the food there.
Not kidding.
I only went into it once in Spring 1987 so my Dad could just get a Little Caesar's Buy One Get One Free pizza for carry out,
Say what will about them, but no one can deny the Heine’s search for a bargain
and there were no robot shows!
Fuckers
The Chuck E. Cheese balcony show was replaced by the Fun Machine and the old King area was now an area with soft building blocks or something like that. Between 1986 and 1994 I never bothered going to ShowBiz or Chuck E. Cheese's again (Around 1991-1992 ShowBiz and the Rock-afire band was phased out and Chuck E. Cheese became the principal name) even as I was growing old and now out of school and in the work world. But in March 1995 a co-worker from Allstate in South Barrington, IL (where I worked at that time)
Allstate? Jesus, in 95 I was I pouring dirt into clay pots at a green house. What happened to my life. My mom should have dropped me on my head more so I could get some cushier jobs.
invited me to go with his 2 children to a Chuck E. Cheese's in Streamwood, IL (It opened in 1990 as a ShowBiz, but wasn't sure if it had the Rock-afire or Chuck E. Cheese show at that time it opened), I went inside and it was a revamped style with video monitors and a revamped Chuck E. Cheese's show (Now with full bodied Chuck E., Helen, Jasper, Munch, and Pasqually - All in the Munch's Make Believe Band - Sometimes with a live Chuck E. Cheese show), plus video games and kiddie play area to tie in with the just about launched child friendly theme at the time. I returned there with my Allstate co-worker and his 2 children in July 1995 for another visit after we saw the "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" movie.
2nd time he refered to him as a coworker and not a friend. Think this guy wanted Darryl to chip in on his kids therapy bills because of these nights, and they never spoke again?
In September 1995 my brother and his girlfriend and I visited the Chuck E. Cheese's in Arlington Heights, IL (formerly ShowBiz) and noticed inside it was remodeled and the Chuck E. Cheese/Munch Band show was retrofit Rock-afire robots. I didn't return to that Arlington Heights, IL Chuck E. Cheese's until 1999 when my brother was married to his girlfriend finally
yes why would it take so long for someone to join the Heine family?
and they took me along with a child they were babysitting
Took you along ? or was it a double night of babysitting?
Since then I have visited in October 1999 a Chuck E. Cheese's in Portland, Oregon (no Studio C show in this location yet - But has the Munch's band) and in August 2000 a Chuck E. Cheese's in Appleton, Wisconsin. I hope to visit soon a Chuck E. Cheese's in Queens, New York with my Grandfather and maybe this year tour the CEC Entertainment headquarters (like a friend on the net, Danny did in 1999) in Irving when I visit the Dallas, Texas area.
ATTENTION DALLAS WORKERS
WE HAVE HEINE ALERT
THIS IS NOT A DRILL
PLEASE CHECK YOUR HANDBOOKS
WE ALL KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME!
Chuck E. Cheese's and ShowBiz still live on in my memories today.
It’s like I have a twin
Who knows if I'll ever see a Rock-afire Explosion
Lets all join hands and pray.
classic or new - in some place in the future,
see ! this dumbass has figured a way to travel in time.
since I may never visit Billy Bob's Wonderland in Ashland, Kentucky
,,,,,,,,,,I’ll have to find a place nearby to be sodomized
or Barborsville, West Virgina even in the near future! And despite the still going Chuck E. Cheese slogan "Where a Kid Can Be a Kid", the 1980's Chuck E. Cheese jingle still goes through my head: "You can smile America, with Chuck E. Cheese".
You can smile America because as long as it is jingles that go through his head and not letter bomb manufacturing .You see Chuck E Cheese you did have a wonderful life.
You saved us all.
By Darryl Heine
Till next time. More Heine news as it happens
was born Feb. 5, 1971 in New York City. I work currently for GE Financial.
How is that possible? Do they have shopping cart greeters like Wal-Mart? I would have said he was an idiot savant (but minus the savant part) maybe he’s a computer genius or something. Guy that goes in public in a Heathcliff hat has a better job than me.
My experiences with ShowBiz go back to 1982, when I first visited the ShowBiz in Arlington Heights, IL in Feburary 1982 for my 11th. birthday,
Many employees remember that date too.
despite the video arcade games there, I never liked it at first since the Rock-afire Explosion was a redone version of the Wolf Pack 5 (a show I saw at Kings Dominion in Virginia in 1979)
Well, everyone knows that the Rock-a-fire program was just phoning it in.
and never went there much that year - except on a few elementary school field trips
“Okay kids, Darryl sat on his lunch again, who would like to share theirs with him?”
but by the end of 1982 I began to like it
Sure thing Darryl, It is a place that serves shitty pizza and always smells like feet. You want to give yourself a year to soak it in and decide. You can’t commit right away.
and went there with my family in occassion until December 1985 (At the time ShowBiz merged with Chuck E. Cheese's) when I was in high school. Other ShowBiz locations I have been to besides Arlington Heights, IL were in Bloomingdale, IL.; Mt. Prospect, IL; Madison, Wisconsin; and Omaha, Nebraska.
Check ebay for the vintage Heine Rock-a-fire US tour shirts.
My first visit to Chuck E. Cheese's was in May 1983 when one in Hoffman Estates, IL opened (The year before I first heard about Pizza Time Theatre in
Do I not understand this, or can this silly bastard travel through time too.
the premiere issue of Video Games magazine in a Nolan Bushnell article with a pic of him next to a Chuck E. Cheese robot,
Damn it! That is the only back issue of Video Games Magazine I am missing.
What if Nolan does a google search on himself and finds this page. High or low point career wise?
and I first noticed a TV commercial for Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Time Theatre when my TV set picked up with good reception a Milwaukee, Wisconsin TV station).
No greater proof of Divine intervention
Besides the video games in the ShowBiz style, the balcony show contained Chuck E. himself along with Pizza Time Player
I remember those contract talks, it was close, but luckily in the 12th hour both sides agreed and she joined the band. It was the only thing that kept me going after Wham! breaking up.
And by the end of 1984 a giantcolor TV set (similar to what you used to see in ShowBiz's Sports Rooms) was added replacing the Beagles show in the Hoffman Estates location. My last visit to this Hoffman Estates Chuck E. Cheese's was in Summer 1985. Other Chuck E. Cheese's locations I've been to between 1983 and 1984 were in Gaithersburg, Maryland
Too much emphasis on Chuck E cheese’s contributions to the civil war at that one.
and Milwaukee, Wisconsin. In 1986 this Chuck E. Cheese's in Hoffman Estates was taken over by Little Caesar's and became Little Caesar's Family Fun Pizzaria.
Me and Rob ate at that one. We sat in the kids room at the small tables and made them bring us the food there.
Not kidding.
I only went into it once in Spring 1987 so my Dad could just get a Little Caesar's Buy One Get One Free pizza for carry out,
Say what will about them, but no one can deny the Heine’s search for a bargain
and there were no robot shows!
Fuckers
The Chuck E. Cheese balcony show was replaced by the Fun Machine and the old King area was now an area with soft building blocks or something like that. Between 1986 and 1994 I never bothered going to ShowBiz or Chuck E. Cheese's again (Around 1991-1992 ShowBiz and the Rock-afire band was phased out and Chuck E. Cheese became the principal name) even as I was growing old and now out of school and in the work world. But in March 1995 a co-worker from Allstate in South Barrington, IL (where I worked at that time)
Allstate? Jesus, in 95 I was I pouring dirt into clay pots at a green house. What happened to my life. My mom should have dropped me on my head more so I could get some cushier jobs.
invited me to go with his 2 children to a Chuck E. Cheese's in Streamwood, IL (It opened in 1990 as a ShowBiz, but wasn't sure if it had the Rock-afire or Chuck E. Cheese show at that time it opened), I went inside and it was a revamped style with video monitors and a revamped Chuck E. Cheese's show (Now with full bodied Chuck E., Helen, Jasper, Munch, and Pasqually - All in the Munch's Make Believe Band - Sometimes with a live Chuck E. Cheese show), plus video games and kiddie play area to tie in with the just about launched child friendly theme at the time. I returned there with my Allstate co-worker and his 2 children in July 1995 for another visit after we saw the "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" movie.
2nd time he refered to him as a coworker and not a friend. Think this guy wanted Darryl to chip in on his kids therapy bills because of these nights, and they never spoke again?
In September 1995 my brother and his girlfriend and I visited the Chuck E. Cheese's in Arlington Heights, IL (formerly ShowBiz) and noticed inside it was remodeled and the Chuck E. Cheese/Munch Band show was retrofit Rock-afire robots. I didn't return to that Arlington Heights, IL Chuck E. Cheese's until 1999 when my brother was married to his girlfriend finally
yes why would it take so long for someone to join the Heine family?
and they took me along with a child they were babysitting
Took you along ? or was it a double night of babysitting?
Since then I have visited in October 1999 a Chuck E. Cheese's in Portland, Oregon (no Studio C show in this location yet - But has the Munch's band) and in August 2000 a Chuck E. Cheese's in Appleton, Wisconsin. I hope to visit soon a Chuck E. Cheese's in Queens, New York with my Grandfather and maybe this year tour the CEC Entertainment headquarters (like a friend on the net, Danny did in 1999) in Irving when I visit the Dallas, Texas area.
ATTENTION DALLAS WORKERS
WE HAVE HEINE ALERT
THIS IS NOT A DRILL
PLEASE CHECK YOUR HANDBOOKS
WE ALL KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME!
Chuck E. Cheese's and ShowBiz still live on in my memories today.
It’s like I have a twin
Who knows if I'll ever see a Rock-afire Explosion
Lets all join hands and pray.
classic or new - in some place in the future,
see ! this dumbass has figured a way to travel in time.
since I may never visit Billy Bob's Wonderland in Ashland, Kentucky
,,,,,,,,,,I’ll have to find a place nearby to be sodomized
or Barborsville, West Virgina even in the near future! And despite the still going Chuck E. Cheese slogan "Where a Kid Can Be a Kid", the 1980's Chuck E. Cheese jingle still goes through my head: "You can smile America, with Chuck E. Cheese".
You can smile America because as long as it is jingles that go through his head and not letter bomb manufacturing .You see Chuck E Cheese you did have a wonderful life.
You saved us all.
By Darryl Heine
Till next time. More Heine news as it happens
There used to be a website called Yesterdayland where I first encountered Darryl - he used to complain about shows that aired episodes that were different from the TV Guide listings. When 9/11 happened, Darryl kept complaining that "The Price is Right" and all his other favorite shows were being pre-empted by all the news.
ReplyDeletehahahaha does everyone have their own "Darryl"? We had one of those at my last job...All Darryls work in call centers (I'll bet you GOOD MONEY Darryl Heine does!) They ALL do.. they are always obese or overweight, they talk loud- and they are always right. They sometimes drive stupid cars like PT cruisers, or small bubble shaped type things, or take the bus. Sometimes a coworker is tricked into giving a "Darryl" a lift home. They never get a second ride. They always bully their cubicle mates into arguments. They play games like "Magic, the Gathering". Darryl, are you listening? Was I close??
ReplyDelete