Tangent Jamboree #8: PART 1 Not makin friends with this one WARNING I’m a potty mouth
April 2, 2010
I always hear that it is racist to say “I have black friends” but I accidently realized something. I don’t have any black friends. Does the reality of that make me a racist or just saying it does. When I get a black friend I won’t refer to him as my black friend. No matter what his name is I will only call him Lando.
Ebay ruined collectable shows
Amazon destroyed record stores
Now Chat Roulette has eliminating public flashing.
The interweb has taken away all my loves.
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Even notice how something that makes you sound normal or even cool but you just add one word at the end and suddenly you become a giant loser.
My favorite movie is Jaws…...3-D
Your biological father is Frank Sinatra…..Jr
Can you help me find my remote control.....boat
What made me think of this was because I was introduced to a girl
She’s pretty single and she’s a vegan……...dog breeder.
This sound actually came from crotch (right click here and open)
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I just want a Plano Normal Sandwich with no EFFINGHAM
I found this from the trip to southern Illinois. I like a town that censors itself.
Maybe I could go to city hall and befriend Mayor Enword.
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My favorite convenience store
“It’s 3am and I need finish making this mirkin plus I’d like some lotto tickets. But all I have is piles and piles of unwanted gold.”
"These foreigners come here and take our jobs. I use to sell human hair 24 hours a day. As my father did before me."
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Heinne Time
Those you who read and fell in love with the great Darryl Heinne last month are in for a treat. If you enjoyed his well thought-out writing about his dedication to Chuck E Cheese. Can you imagine what his random everyday thoughts are? Well imagine no longer.
Master Heinne has a twitter account.
Now I wanted to use his postings as an unwilling correspondent to my blog. Then I read the Playboy interview with John Mayer at 3am and it was funny to me to compare and contrast these great minds. Enjoy:
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Tattoos: the mullets of the new millennium
I hate tattoos.
A girl that I "work" with, let’s call her Traylor announced that she got a tattoo.
I told her that if she wanted to go through a painful experience, be scarred for life, and possibly get hepatitis...she could have just spent a weekend with me.
A girl that I "work" with, let’s call her Traylor announced that she got a tattoo.
I told her that if she wanted to go through a painful experience, be scarred for life, and possibly get hepatitis...she could have just spent a weekend with me.
She believes that is inappropriate.
But lets hope Traylor didn’t get any of these:
Mom, make me more pancakes, I need to make more space to fit in Jar Jar
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Excuse me sir, I was wondering if you rock?
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If the answer is no,
Caroline Summers will you apply my ointment?
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(screw you photobucket I found this on another website)
Congratulations you don’t need Rohypnol
Congratulations Craigslist does work
Congratulations I only had money for a tattoo or a book on raising my self esteem
Congratulations I don’t have to take you to the emergency room I found my rings, wait this one isn’t my ring
Congratulations you have herpes
Congratulations we don’t need to use birth control because I’m already 4 hours pregnant.
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If this is a manifestation of your two greatest fears dogs and vaginas. I believe you are safe now. No one that owns either will let you near them.
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I want to be noticed by a 14 year old girl that smokes pot. What will get her attention?
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I was just kidding I want the kind of girl that loves horticulture, cats, and naked Chuck Norris without genitals. If only that girl existed.......
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Hi HO
Hi HO
Wait a minute...one is missing. We have a man trapped in mine #2.
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Your probably thinking that this guy gets hassled by airport security, but you’re wrong this douche can’t afford an airplane ticket.
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Alright which one of you bitches is Mrs Paul?
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What’s the name of the place I never want to visit...
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I’m fine with a giraffe that fell asleep on the toilet while reading the paper, but why was he wearing pants. Flawed,,,flawed I say.
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I said no EFFINGHAM-(punch)
Get it,,,,, knuckle sandwich…..
But if I had this tattoo mayonnaise would be added 3 times a day.
Most people can’t get away with a joke like that. Do you know why I can. Because I’m classy.
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You’re also
A jckass
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Michael Jackson as a zombie with a camel toe.
Fitting tribute indeed.
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Why didn’t someone tell me Janet Reno died?
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Finally a religion I can get behind
Maybe not but I would go see a punk band called Jesus Boner
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Oh...no...I disagree
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Foolish tattoo perhaps, but I have prayed for someone to make me macaroni & cheese before
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Courtney Love you’ve never looked better.
Ya two Courtney jokes in as many months. Screw you.
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Hail Mary full of Nabisco
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I had to consult with my undead expert Rob on this subject and turns out that if the Virgin Mary became a zombie she would actually prefer Nilla Waffers not Triscuts.
These tattoo guys just don’t use a fact checker.
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These tattoo guys just don’t use a fact checker.
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I have absolutely nothing bad to say about this. Not just because I’m afraid that this guy will hunt me down and screams ICE ICE BABY as he punches me in the sack. Seriously, This guy is an ultimate badass.
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“I should have known better than to try to get a job in Boston, All these Harvard brats will never give a break to a Yale man like myself,,,,,I say good day to you,,,,I said good day”
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“I’m not sure if that’s the same man that attacked me officer, I seem to remember him to be at least 73 inches tall”
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What the hell is Noth
But if he looses the T finger in an accident You can make him feel miserable by asking if he wants to watch Cast Away, Forest Gump or Davinci Code.
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I would be upset that it seems Poppinfresh is violating my favorite girl, but everybody knows Doughboy can’t get hard
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This is incredibly specific.
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Oh sweet irony
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No shirt no shoes NO PROBLEM
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Some people call shrimp the cockroaches of the sea. But this just proves they are dapper mother fuckers.
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On the other leg there’s a tat of giant cellphone.
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Don’t make fun she has juvenile onset diabetes.
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To err his human
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Do you remember the sentimental favorite episode of Who’s the Boss the one where Tony walks pre-surgery Alyssa Milano down the isle?
Me either but there’s no way this is from the Emmy Awards.. ....
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You got that right. Bitches always taking my melon ballers and floating pick axes.
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At least he’s asking nicely.
Christ, I have no self confidence.
But this dude has too much.
I would have to have
thank you so much
Or what was your name again
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Now I know why the pre-teens and gays love unicorns. I hadn’t realized they sneeze Japanese throwing stars, poop holly, and urinate rainbow cupcakes .
Unicorns are natures’ awsome dispenser.
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At first look this doesn’t seem to make sense but there is a story behind it
Fat dude had a terrible idea. The end.
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That’s right everyone up times . Our fun is over.
Realistically, how often were you publicly flashed? Paying/bribing them doesn't count! :P
ReplyDeleteDemetri Martin already did the 'adding a word at the end' bit, get with the times! ;)
No thanks to the crotch wav. Even saying 'crotch wav' sounds bad, "It is wafting towards me!! It burns!!"
"Give me a piece of effingham!!"
"What are you having for dinner?" "Effingham. It's the only effing thing she makes!"
Since I have already read this one I skimmed over the rest. Look forward to future posts!